"From the outside, everyone says college life is supposed to be exciting. You learn new things, you meet new people — it’s meant to be your ‘transformational years’. But for me, honestly, it feels terrible. Every morning, I attend classes from 9 AM to 4 PM. By the time I get back, I’m so exhausted — I can’t even think of studying or exploring anything new. It’s just a cycle — college, home, sleep, repeat. And somewhere in that cycle, I feel like I’m losing myself."
The pressure? It’s always there. The pressure of the future, of getting a job, of making my parents' investment worth it. It sits on my head like a heavy stone. But no one else sees it. Not my parents. Not my teachers. Only I know how heavy it feels every single day.
Sometimes, it feels like grades decide everything. During JEE, when my percentile didn’t get me into the college I dreamt of, it shattered something inside me. For a while, I genuinely felt, "I’m nothing if I don't get into a good college." But slowly, I’m learning. One bad score doesn’t define my future. It’s about how hard I’m willing to work, how much I believe in myself — not just a number on a piece of paper.
I don't want a regular job after college. My parents want that — a stable job, a secure life. But I dream of starting my own business — maybe something related to software. I want to create something of my own, not fit into a mold someone else has built for me.
There were other dreams too — once, I wanted to be a pilot. Once, I loved martial arts. But dreams are expensive, and sometimes, middle-class realities clip your wings before you even get to fly.
If I could tell teachers something, I would ask them to see us beyond classrooms and marks. We have lives, struggles, silent battles they never notice.
If I could tell parents something, it would be simple: "Please, stop pressurizing us. Let us take that step find our way. Trust us." We’re not asking for shortcuts. We’re asking for breathing space.
The worst part is the comparisons. "Look at the neighbor’s kid, they scored so much more than you..." It breaks your spirit, no matter how hard you try to smile through it. Especially when you’re trying so hard to make them proud, and it never feels enough.
When I am lost, it's my sister who becomes my strength. She tells me, "Forget the world. Do what you love." I don’t want to copy her path, but I want to reach the independence she has — to stand on my own feet, financially and emotionally.
Even today, it stings when I have to ask my parents for money. There’s a voice inside that says, "When will you be strong enough to not ask anymore?"
If I could change the Indian education system, the first thing I’d remove is this constant pressure. Why should kids feel like their entire worth depends on being ‘first’ in class? Marks should matter only when you actually need them — not when you’re six years old.
If nobody judged me… if there was no pressure… I would just go somewhere far, far away. Somewhere where there’s only peace. No noise. No expectations. No pretending to be someone I’m not.
I don't want to run away forever. I just want a break. A moment to breathe, to think, to find myself again. And maybe, after that, I’ll come back stronger — to build a life that’s truly mine.
Because at the end of the day, all I want is simple: peace, freedom, and a chance to be myself.
Featuring: Sikta Talukdar
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